Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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