Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
