shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
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Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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