I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
