I look better un-naked...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
