I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
