shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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