Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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