we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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