I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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