Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
