the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
