I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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