Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize