Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
