i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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