if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
