he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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