Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
your like the ambassador to my penis.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
