Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I think my vagina is haunted
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
