I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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