You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize
