it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize