By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
