There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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