If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
