Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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