i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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