We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
