if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
