if you like me you must not know who I am
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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