Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You made out with two different species that night
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
