The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
