is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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