just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize