Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
