His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
