does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
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