Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
