But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
