I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
