I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize