she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
