woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
