Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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