where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
