im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
