I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
