I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
