we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
