I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
