I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Randomize
