Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
last night I used snow as a chaser
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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