**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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