I bet he comes in French.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
