We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
