Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
