It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
