also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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