Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
