I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
its liver damage thursday
Randomize