i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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